


RARRGH

by IcedLemonade



Category: DCU, Justice League - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Crack, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Translation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:20:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25925782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IcedLemonade/pseuds/IcedLemonade
Summary: "Superman, your building just ate my building."
Relationships: Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne
Comments: 2
Kudos: 76





	RARRGH

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [RARRGH](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25876171) by [jiamulynn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiamulynn/pseuds/jiamulynn). 



> Thank you so much to [jiamulynn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jiamulynn/pseuds/jiamulynn) for granting me permission to translate their work! Make sure to check out the original [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/25876171) and give them some love!
> 
> And much kudos and appreciation to [Pax](https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedNightDeer/pseuds/RedNightDeer) for beta-ing. Thanks for correcting my hopeless grammar and being so nice and patient with me, especially with a certain unintelligible metaphor...
> 
> Last but certainly not least, thank you Google translate (for obvious reasons) for recovering some of my lost vocabulary in both languages, even when it can't comprehend sentences more than 3 words long.

_This is literally a scene right out of a horror movie._

In an apocalyptic battle, two things are never spared from destruction: The Daily Planet office building and Wayne Tower.

_I should wake up._

The employees screamed as the office walls twisted and crumbled, recreating a picture of a modern-day ‘"The Scream’". The walls rumbled like hungry bears, an ultrasonic wave rippling through space. With a mighty roar, The Daily Planet opened its bloodshot eyes and revealed its fanged teeth, aiming straight for Wayne Tower.

_Now is a really good time to wake up._

John passed him in a streak of green over his head "You're not dreaming."

"Does it have to be red?" Wally sighed in dismay.

Then, following an unceremonious _gurgle_ , the roof of Wayne Tower disappeared in a cloud of dust.

Like a movie screen freezing up, everything stopped for a moment: Diana held on to her lasso, pondering whether trying to subdue a building is just too damn _weird_ ; Clark felt a hint of satisfaction amongst all the shock, that the Daily Planet is finally standing after falling for no reason all the time.

After a beat of silence, Bruce spoke, a faint and disapproving echo.

"Superman, your building just ate my building."

* * *

Like every other small-scaled battle, the Justice League managed to end it within 40 minutes. Clark took care of the troublemaker who led them here, while Bruce tracked down the magician behind all this chaos. John and Shayera were in charge of arresting, and Diana finally managed to tame the rogue building. 

During the small breaks in between, Clark glanced at Bruce, hesitating to speak.

He was brooding. "It just had to be my-" He stopped mid-sentence, feeling the effect of a pair of scorching eyes trained to his back, and continued without turning around, "What is it?"

"I... have an idea," Clark said. Bruce turned to look at him. Forced himself to swallow upon seeing those ethereal blue eyes.

"About why the Daily Planet building was munching on Wayne Tower?"

"...yes and no."

Bruce raised an eyebrow, but waited patiently for him to answer. Clark was always like this, words tumbling out of his mouth before he'd thought it through, as if he was certain people would wait until he was finished. For someone who could process thoughts at a speed ten times that of light, choosing the right vocabulary shouldn't have been that hard. A false thinking speed hidden within a similarly clumsy tongue.

Even after going for a trip in his mind palace, the kryptonian was still stuttering. Bruce squinted. _Was it to build some kind of suspense? Or is he taking the opportunity to read my mind?_ Bruce did a quick scan of Clark's eyes: clear, moist, a slightly larger pupil, an unparalleled sapphire. Ah, kryptonian mind-control. It had never been proven, had it? Bruce then realized that almost half of the information he had on Clark was not scientific evidence, but those watery eyes.

"-as well."

Bruce was yanked back to reality. "Sorry?"

"I said," The sentence which Clark took so much effort to string up crumbled into pieces again. "I felt as if there was some kind of psychic link between me and the Daily Planet building. It went to eat Wayne Tower because...maybe, that I want to...as well. Yup." The end of the sentence trailed off until it was barely audible, like wiping off a butter tip.

Bruce turned towards The Planet. The warrior princess was poised like a trainer trying to tame a wild horse, stopping the rogue building from munching off more of Wayne Tower. The golden globe on The Planet had somehow become fanged like the teeth on a mouse trap, clicking and clacking. 

Bruce's mouth twitched sceptically. "Really?"

Clark closed his eyes in embarrassment. "Yes."

"So, you're saying that you want to..."

Clark nodded. His face was a sheet of boiling lava. "Yup."

"...eat Wayne Tower?"

"Yes, Exactly!" Clark lit up, but slowly turned blank under Bruce's securitizing stare. "Wait what?"

* * *

("I could have rolled with that.", thought Clark, as he sat munching on a steel bar in the middle of the debris)

Wayne Tower had long collapsed under its neighbour's ire. Luckily, John had rescued the staff just in time. The equipment wasn't so lucky. Only two computers, a tank of fish, and a cello, all clutched tightly within the hands of some staff members, survived the ordeal. Staff member C was fresh out of Arkham, and suffered from severe separation anxiety disorder with his cello. As for the tank of fish, staff member D just so happened to spot it on his way out.

Bruce walked across the debris, and saw Clark staring at the beam of steel in his hand, his expression unreadable. It probably tasted differently for kryptonians, maybe like a cream biscuit, or perhaps a bland piece of candy cane? It would have been sweet if the iron content was higher though.

He stopped his internal ramblings and said, "The mission is over. The others wanted me to remind you to come back to the Watchtower."

If he and Clark were any closer, he would realize that "the others" actually meant his own brain cells. Crypticness, a prerequisite of Batspeak. But then, he couldn't possibly expect anyone to understand him fully just after meeting them, right? Even though he still had his reservations about his colleague, he felt as if they had been in love for more than 80 years, all across the multiverse, when they first met years ago.

But at the moment, Batman was still just a friendly colleague, if your definition of "friendly colleague" included one itching to plant a bug in the other's bath tub, or preparing an alphabetical list of contingency plans against you. But others didn’t understand the overwhelming safety radiating from Bruce as his partner. With Batman at one's side, even the most petrified were content with their safety, the most indecisive confident with their choice.

Clark nodded, slow and pondering. He put the steel bar back, fixing it in place using his heat vision.

Bruce's mouth quirked up at the motion. "You know, they'll take it down for reconstruction tomorrow."

His friendly colleague had never been a man of words. Occasionally, Clark would bring Bruce some snacks, and he felt as if he was tending to a button. Quiet, organized, never fussy, immortal. Only that he sometimes vanished, then appeared out of nowhere into his line of sight. Oh, and also, a button never initiated a conversation.

So Clark looked up. "What is it?"

"I've consulted related personnels. It's confirmed that The Daily Planet has temporarily become your mental projection," Bruce stated, "Out of concern for the safety of your secret identity, we've decided to block this information from the public for the time being."

The hidden meaning was to ‘control your stupid mind, you almost caused us an unfavourable predicament.’

"Ok." Clark lowered his head once more.

A few seconds of silence passed. Obviously, Bruce wasn't accustomed to starting a conversation. He could think of a dozen conversation starters, then proceed to act them out. But he remained silent.

As expected, Clark continued, "Did they say anything else?"

"To break the projection, you need to make your wish a reality." Bruce's gaze alternated between Clark and the steel bar. "Do you want to try?"

Clark tilted his head, touching the beam with his lips. "It didn't work."

Bruce looked on with amusement. "I'm not an idiot, Superman. I know what you're thinking."

Clark hesitated, shook his head. "I don't want to do that to you."

Bruce shot him a glare. "You obviously do."

"But I can't!"

"So you do want to."

"Stop changing the subject, B. I know I can't out-argue you," Clark said, his gaze fixed on a faraway place. The league had moved his projection to the countryside to avoid Gotham's insurance sectors from going bankrupt, and Diana had finally managed to trap it. Its cold and unforgiving metallic teeth kept clashing together, chomping futilely in the direction of Wayne Tower. Clark silently thanked the gods that Bruce couldn't see that far.

"Kent," Bruce sighed.

It was just a sigh, but being called by his real name in public made Clark nervous all of a sudden.

Bruce glanced at him, then turned to the batmobile. Clark followed suit into the vehicle, and saw Bruce switching it to auto-pilot, then swirling around in his seat to face him. This was Clark's first time noticing the seat's ability to rotate, he never figured out why this kind of seat would need the function to do so. But then, the Bat-gadgets had always possessed baffling yet incredible functions needed for every situation. For example, right now, Batman could talk comfortably to him.

"Do what you wanted to do," He said, "And end this."

Clark's eyes lit up, but argued nevertheless. "I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable, even if it's for the mission."

"Oh god, Clark, you're such a boy scout." Bruce rubbed his forehead. He already had shed one of his gauntlets, which took surprisingly longer than usual. Clark's gaze followed the motion from his arm back to his eyes, waiting patiently.

"You have my consent, ok?" Bruce said, stretching out every syllable. He shed the other gauntlet.

Hearing this, Clark zipped to his front in a blur.

"Alright, this is what I've been wanting to do." Clark held both of his hands and gazed at Bruce sincerely. "Bruce, I like you very much."

And leaned down to plant a soft kiss onto his forehead.

Bruce closed his eyes, waiting for the next move. Then the comm link rang. "The Daily Planet's a normal building again! We'll be getting all the citizens out in a moment," Diana said. Wally's barely contained laughter could be heard in the distance.

He opened his eyes.

Bruce was silent for a while. "Your wish came true."

"Yeah." Clark chuckled, red with embarrassment. "I'm glad you weren't too bothered by it."

"Clark Kent." Bruce's subconscious told him not to hold grudges, but he couldn't help himself. "Your building _ate_ my building."

"I'm really, really sorry about the mental projection thing, Bruce," Clark said, "But when I saw you... putting on your cowl, your left hand seemed stiffer than usual. So, I checked the news. There was a fairly serious fight near the harbour last night. You never let me x-ray you, so I went ahead and speculated on my own."

Clark bit his lip. This conversation was hard on both of them. "Even though you're injured, I know I could never dissuade you from going into battle, so I suddenly wanted to-" He made a gesture, "-do that. I didn't expect for it to be caught into the mental projection."

"So, the original intention was not to eat, but rather a fairly aggressive kiss." Bruce mumbled in a volume that only one with super-hearing could pick up.

For some reason, hearing that sentence was way more embarrassing than the other. Clark tried to neutralize the situation. "Well, that would be the case if the magic happened a bit _la_ _ter_."

And then suddenly realized that one embarrassing situation can't neutralize another. He smacked himself mentally for not thinking it through.

Clark waited for Bruce to frown, or throw him a sarcastic or awkward rejection. But Bruce merely lifted an eyebrow. "Like when I'm walking towards the battlefield?"

Clark laughed. "Like now."

Bruce was satisfied by his answer at least. But still pressed on, "We're not that close."

"We can be close, whenever you want."

"I'm opposed to workplace romance."

Clark grinned widely. "We can have romance?"

"If this doesn't go well, we won't be able to deal with one another within the league."

"Then there'll be the entire league to stop you from using those contingency plans."

"I wouldn't do that!"

"Of course you would do that, " said Clark, "Yes, I know you're still wary of me being mind-controlled. You still want to know how I perceive the world." Bruce's mood was getting better, back to the "show your agreement on your face" state, and Clark felt proud of himself. "You can find out all that by yourself, if you want to."

Bruce bit his lower lip. "I'd plant bugs all over your apartment. Even the bathroom."

"Then I'd say goodnight to them."

Infamous playboy and socialite Brucie Wayne was at a sudden loss for words. After a moment, he finally concluded, "This is too irrational."

"Yeah, Hawkgirl and the others will be here within 15 minutes. We only have about a kiss's worth of time left," Clark smirked, "If you can close your eyes this time, I promise I'll kiss the right place."

Bruce sighed and slowly closed his eyes. Then his communicator rang. Lucius was informing him about the property damage on Wayne Tower, and the parts that cannot be covered by insurance.

His eyes snapped open, and saw Clark blushing furiously down at him.

"Oh, and one last thing," Bruce gritted his teeth, speaking over Lucius, "Next time, when you realize that something has become an immensely hungry monster again because of your desires-"

Clark gulped at the tone of voice.

"-try thinking of Lex Luthor."


End file.
